There’s no better time to pick up a book about cricket then after a hard nights clubbing on a Thursday evening. Settle down with a glass of warm milk, a bag full of lard and the TV on in the background and float off into a cricket reading fest.
One such programme that has invaded my consciousness when reading at this time of night is Party People, on freeview channel Smile TV. The name of the show ill describes the content however, there’s only one person in it and there’s no party either. Party People is basically a televised chat line, whereby a woman wearing very little lies in various positions on a huge pink sofa (howzat for a rosaneri link?) and chats away to a succession of punters on the phone.
She’s called Cara I think, she doesn’t do much, just moves around occasionally and stares into the camera whilst talking. At least I think she’s talking, as you don’t get to hear the banter she’s having with the punters. The eyes give away if she’s enjoying the banter or would rather put the phone down and wash it in bleach. If you want to be a voyeur, you can phone and listen to the conversation. Or you could even phone her and have a chat.
About what though? I’ve never phoned a chat line before and wouldn’t know where to start. Perhaps I should take my inspiration from the book in my hands, currently Mike Brierlys Art of Captaincy. I could phone her and up and ask if she agrees with Donald Bradman’s assertion that the best captain is a batsman. Or whether she favours Ray Illingsworth’s idea of a slow bowler being the ideal candidate. Has she had any experience of standing in Cow Corner, well balanced and ready to receive? When did she last knock any bails off?
Actually, the idea appeals the more I think about it. Can you imagine the look on her face when she listens to the cricket based banter. She’s more used to blokes describing fantasies down the phone rather than discuss the merits of batting first on a damp pitch. How cheated would you feel if you phoned up the voyeur line to listen to this hot party chat?
Perhaps the club can organise itself to phone up Party People en mass and hijack the show. Perhaps the lady can demonstrate the perfect grip ?