It’s been a frustrating month for this straight talker due to an undiagnosed leg injury serious enough to keep me away from nets for the past month. Whilst all the other contracted players and numerous ad hocs benefit from blowing away winter cobwebs, I have spent the last few Wednesdays having to watch the box with the misses.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a bit of property porn but I’d rather see a Relocation Relocation where a 2nd slip is taken out and moved to extra cover, than watch a greedy middle class couple sustain the imbalance of the modern property market. Grand Designs last week featured a barn on a farm on the Essex/ Hertfordshire border that was being turned into a cricketing centre of excellence. Kevin McCloud spent 60 minutes trying to drive up the muddy track and sitting by the phone waiting for a call saying when it was finished.
However, there is light at the tunnel. I hear of a doctor that specialises in net surgery and has a fantastic record in correcting cricketer’s fragilities. People walk away from him praising his name, some lay down palm leaves as he walks into the sports hall. Others say he is so good, he can help the lame to walk. This sold his services to me, as anybody who can make GBell accept an umpire’s decision must be a miracle worker.
I hear that the great man might be attending this week’s net session. It is Cheltenham week after all and ripe for banter. I wonder if he can do anything for the worst batsman at the club. It would be his biggest challenge to date. Akin to Stephen Hawking winning Dancing On Ice. At least Hawking would give a more fluent victory interview than Gareth Gates. But I digress, or rather my stumps did on 6 occasions last year when I got clean bowled.
I hear the Edmonton Teachers have christened me as ‘007’. I took that as a complement when I discovered it was in regard to my batting average. However, they had moved the decimal point 2 digits to the left. This situation can no longer continue for the coming season with the advent of timed matches. All batsmen will be expected to defend their wickets with competent concentration and determination if not with style and flair. I include myself in this. When we step over the boundary ropes each time this season, we must not look round for others to rely on. We must guard our stumps like our most cherished possessions.
As with most teams we met last year, the sum of our total bowling parts is greater than the batting equivalent. In order to lose less matches this year, we must improve our batting and be able to see out 40 overs plus. The doctor has a long waiting list for his surgery and advice. I hope he can meet his waiting list targets so we might reach our targets this forthcoming season. Can someone bring some new magazines to the waiting room please?