Do you remember 1980s American rock fashion crimes? Kev Mully does. And he paid homage to his favourite poodle haired rock gods with his head garb at last Saturdays match. Already mentioned amongst the match report, this assault against traditional cricketing clothing must be told again so others don’t make the same mistake.

The plastic mesh baseball cap had been consigned to the history bin after last appearing in the video for Bon Jovi’s Living On A Prayer, incidentally one of Kev’s all time favourites. The mesh cap didn’t surface again until last year when Malcom Glazier was spotted wearing one at Old Trafford. Since then, fashionistas such as Kate Moss, Posh Spice and Jade Goody have all be seen in the media sporting such a cap, but a John Hartson look alike wearing one whilst playing cricket against an octogenarian wearing shin pads will not make Victoria Newton’s page in The Sun.

Kev, 46, from Dagenham, defended his attire by hitting a six over the longest boundary with a bat so poor, Argos removed it from their clearance sale due to its poorness. He did have reasons to keep his cap on whilst bowling however. The batsman complained to the umpire that he was being distracted by the sunlight shining off the back of Kev’s head. This in turn lead to one of the young girls sunbathing by the boundary to phone her mates and excitedly claim that one of the dancers from East17 was playing cricket in front of her.

Kev’s score of 25 was not down to his natural sporting talent, but rather my lucky spare McMullen AK shirt. In the three times it has been used, I have hit 17no (many years ago), Sean wore it and hit 19 and won man of the match, whilst Kev had the benefit of its powers on Saturday. I can think of a number of batsmen who could use it and have a change of fortune.

I’ve always tried to define the differences between an experienced batsman and an inexperienced batsman without success. Saturdays match gave me a helping hand however. Harlow’s quickie opener, returns for his second spell after giving much trouble to the opening Rosaneri pair during his first spell. The experienced batsman, noted for his refusal to take quick singles, faces the first ball and sets off like a scaled cat after seeing a miss field by the wicketkeeper and takes a quick leg bye. This leaves the inexperienced batsman, who had been playing very well up to this point against slower bowling, to face up to 5 balls. Two balls later, he edges a short-pitched lifter to the slips and trudges back to the pavilion. This straight talker, umpiring at square leg at the time, puts this down to experience.

Finally, I must apologise for my bad bowling on Saturday. At times it was bad, and in the last over it was awful. But even worse, was the crime of bowling with shades on. Not acceptable. I will not be lowering myself down to Kirks standards again. I say stop this now, before we walk to the crease in flip flops and bare-chested. Don’t even think of it Son.