MARCUS ROSE: AN APOLOGY. Students of previous columns of Straight Talk would be aware of my criticisms of the all time economy figures returned by the ex- Rosaneri paceman. Don’t worry Carcus fans, I’m not using the term ‘ex- rosaneri paceman’ in the dearly departed Lord Bonehead sense, but rather in the sense that like many, Marcus has had his pen picture tweaked since the start of the season, and has been re-listed as medium pace. Akin to when a hurricane is downgraded to just blowing around abit. Not that it says ‘medium pace’ in his listing, but when the words ‘stock’ and ‘workhorse’ are used, you have to infer in such a manner. Although Mr Bell would probably associate the words ‘stock’ and ‘workhorse’ with some kind of tasty French soup.

But I digress. Or at least my line and length does. And that’s the point of the apology. I’ve had a go at Marcus in the past for being too expensive but now find myself in the similar position after two brief bowling spells in the last two 20/20 games. It’s okay being an opening batsman and having a go at the bowlers, but when you join the ranks, you must fall into line and support your kin. I’ve gone for 30 odd off 5 overs and I’ve realised that bowling isn’t as easy as it looks. Marcus, 39, from east Goffs Oak, also took the prized wicket of the floppy hatted school teacher ringer with a ball that didn’t bounce above sea level. His face was a picture. Marcus, thank you. I’m sorry for everything I have said in the past.

However, Boom Boom Bloater isn’t going to get an apology. This column has again in the past been accused of wrongly having a pop at our best batsman for not fulfilling his potential. Lapses of concentration lead to underachieving scores and getting out cheaply but last week saw him going toe to toe with Tills and matching him blow for blow. This was just a warm up for the next evenings fare with a measured half century and a well deserved Brut gift pack. Which will probably end up as a xmas pressie for one of his brothers. Andy has now made the step up to the next level of performance, which he now has to maintain before looking to make history by hitting the first ever century for the pinks.

Whilst I’m still partially in the mood for apologizing, I must say sorry to Nick for the diabolical nature of his run out in the teachers re-match. It was my fault, I stopped mid run, which caused confusion. This though doesn’t help Nick’s batting average, which is falling away faster than Big Brother viewing figures. On the flip side, it was great to see the Wizard of Oz in full swing, or should that be full spin. There was some great bowling, which tied down the opponent’s ringers at crucial periods.

Whilst I’m on the Wizard of Oz theme, I felt sorry for Harmy Shrewing in the teachers game. He bowled like the scarecrow, fielded like the tin man and batted like the cowardly lion. By the end, he wanted to click his heels 3 times and go back… to the Cheshunt Country Club for a night of action that Chris Gayle would want a piece of.

And as for Mat, 3 runs conceded whilst picking up 2 wickets is 3 runs conceded too many. You will not win any MOTM awards for returning figures like that sir. Must try harder. And Jim, why do you only bring yourself onto bowl when there’s a 6 year old at the crease. Or your brother in law who you’ve paid to play and miss. Clubs leading wicket taker, I’m putting you on notice and coming after ya. I’ve decided that economy is for nerdy speccy types like Kirk and its wickets that matter.

Next week… Mr Bell’s failure to walk. Anywhere.