In recent discussion with the Rosaneri Cricket teams resident hack John Shuttlewood, I learned that each squad member has to name a tune to go into bat to and that Roberto Tona had chosen the theme from “The Godfather”. The very thought of those eerie notes inspired me to put pen to paper.
Those of us who have witnessed the recent stellar growth of the RCC from the RFC could be forgiven for a certain amount of bitterness. The general disparity of wealth between the two is redolent of the old East and West Germany.
Often this season tactical decisions on the football field have been heavily influenced by cricketing considerations. Only last week Jim was heard to shout “Don’t pass it to Shewring he has to play cricket in a month”. More recently we were told the last football game of the season was “off” only to find that it is on the same weekend as the first cricket match. Suffice to say it in now “on” again.
The first signs of discontent at the RFC came way back in September. The look on the faces of Messrs Tona and Downing as the Roy Bailey Challenge Cup 3rd Round was taken into extra time on the day of the last cricket match of the season, was priceless. Coxy our chief rat catcher in midfield had already been subbed to save him for his knock at Botany Bay. Jackal it was who provided the all important equaliser in the 89th minute, rumour has it Jim didn’t speak to him again until after Christmas. In an even greater scandal I was dropped for the next game for complaining about this debacle. In doing so I had set myself up as the chief enemy of the RCC.
For the next six months I endured an avalanche of cricket. Whether it was talk of pink bat grips or endless debate of the latest article on the Rosaneri website, I was there muttering darkly about still having a few years left on the football field. The time and love lavished on the Rosaneri Cricket brand really rankled. Despite all this, as with the East and West Germany situation there was pressure to unify. Jim cast himself as Chancellor Kohl and constantly pushed Wednesday night nets to the football team. He was soundly ignored by me at least.
It wasn’t until the Easter bunnies were popping out that my guard slipped. Coxy suggested that seeing as it was Easter and his missus had provided an exit pass, that we go for a sneaky Easter curry at the Winchmore Tandoori. I had initial doubts about the link between Easter and curry but decided to go along with the plan. “I’ll pick you up just before 9pm on Wednesday he said” I thought nothing more of it. It was only when he sped past the Tandoori and pulled up outside Winchmore School that I realised the gravity of my situation. There was no escape
So it came to pass that I bowled my first ball. After a few more deliveries Sheridan casually asked what my availability was like on the 5th May. I found myself saying I was around and that was it, that’s how it happened. In a master-stroke of politics and management I had been sucked in. In the back of my mind I could hear those eerie notes and a voice saying “keep your friends close….but keep your enemies closer”. Gentlemen I surrender I can’t compete with the political skill ranged against me, I’m a Rosaneri Cricket Club Member now.